Protection

End the day the same ol’ way

A bag of chips in hand

You blame yourself for all gone wrong

Your body

you can’t stand

You peel back the layers – the ROLLS – of fat

As you walk up the stairs

It was never supposed to be this way

You just need to CARE!

The fat, they say is a protective layer

Toward the outside world

It grows as you find comfort in the ritual of not FEELING good

You take care of everyone else

Make sure their plate is balanced and full

While scarfing greasy Egg McMuffins

On the drive back home from school

If only you had more time. More energy. More life!

If only you existed as just YOU

There wouldn’t be so much responsibility

So many lists of “To Do”

You could begin to see yourself in a brand new way

Even hear yourself think

You would have gleaming counter tops

No dishes in the sink

There would be nothing to plan, to prep, to wipe up or to fold

You could finish your coffee -- hot

Unless you ordered it cold

You would be at the gym and eating really well

Taking good care yourself

You’d sign up for that class you’ve wanted

Even meditate

That would really help

You begin to imagine that you had parents who kicked in now and then Wouldn’t that be grand?!

But they’ve passed on

Or aren’t present

You’ve never been dealt that hand

Sometimes you even daydream about leaving your husband

Just for shared custody’s sake

You love him tremendously but you really could use a break

A week-on

A week-off

He could even take the dogs

Then you could miss them all because you had time to pause

But for now, you’re left holding the fort

All the cards

And the mounting grocery tab

You keep clicking “Add To Cart”

Then instantly feel bad

You decide that you’ll put off being YOU for just another day

There’s just too much weight

Too much work

To add to your full plate

You take another look in the mirror

And exhale an long sigh

Maybe he’ll leave you (you think)

And then you start to cry