Your first birthday I’m without you

Another trip around the sun was made

But you left as spring came in

Your worries are all over now

Yet MY nerves are still worn thin

I'm still so very angry

And oh so very lost

I well up just thinking about you

What a toll it cost

It was really never fair

The hand that we were dealt

You were such a wild child

So selfish, yet so heartfelt

There will never be another soul like you

So perfectly imperfect

You always let people BE just who they were

And never judged what surfaced

You finally let your nails grow out

After years of biting down

You took way too much shit from other people

Then found toxic ways to calm down

I watched you fight tooth and nail for every day of life

You'd claw your way back up & out

Then grab another smoke to light

For you, poison equaled pleasure

A reward for making it through another day

On every Hallmark card I begged you to quit

For I knew it would end this way

Your cough - overwhelming

Every call, every visit, every talk

You always carried mints with you to make the coughing stop

It's hard to believe, but in the end, your death sentence brought us so many gifts

A chance to know you sober

A chance for you to know my kid

I hope you've been reunited with everyone you love

Your parents. Your sister. And the daughter you gave up

There is so much time we've missed out on

From addiction and mental-health struggles

I don't remember there ever being a time that all of us just cuddled

You said it was different when I was young

But that's way too far back for me to remember

But either way

I love you.....

And we're all missing you this first December